It's often easy to look at your life and imagine how much better things would be if they were different. Case in point for me is writing time. I am very happily married, and I love being a father, but it's hard not to fantasize about how much writing time I used to have.
Before Amber, and then Coraline came into my life, I wrote almost every night. Finding time was effortless. I never had to leap into action at the smallest slice of time. I could wind up in a leisurely way, read to feed my imagination, watch a movie and still have hours to work.
But sometimes life sends us reminders that such fantasies about how perfect life would be are exactly that--fantasy.
Amber and Coraline are visiting family in Montana for a week (they'll be back on Tuesday, so we're most of the way through). As you'd expect, this has given me tons of writing time, and I've grabbed hold with both hands, writing with the nifty fountain pen Amber bought me until my thumb aches. If anything, I'm even more productive than I used to be since now I'm far more accustomed to simply sitting down and starting without lead-time.
But what's easy to leave out in that wistful fantasy picture is the just how dry and dull life is without my family. Having Amber around gives me the chance to hang out every day with my favorite person. Simple conversation and household activities take on a whole extra dimension with her, and it's amazing how much of a gap it leaves when that's absent.
And Coraline... although I "knew" before we had her how she would wind her way into my heart, I could never have imagined how much I'd miss her. With Amber I can chat on the phone and get some snippet of normalcy, but that doesn't work with a baby. There's such a huge gap not being able to hold her, tickle her, bathe her, not to see her bright eyes track mine or a smile flourish on her cute, pudgy cheeks.
The "bachelor" fantasy somehow misses those parts of the equation, but sitting here now I know the truth. As much as I love writing, as great as it is to devote time to it, there are more important things. I can't wait for Tuesday to arrive.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Fail!
Recently, my friend Brian and his family stopped through for the night. Per usual, conversation took turns I never would have expected.
Brian teaches math and science, and he's really keen to find the best ways to help kids learn. I respect how much he thinks about the subject, and it's always enlightening to hear what new insight or method he's come up with for getting things to stick in kids' minds.
This time he mentioned an idea that sounded both strange and spot on. He wants to help his kids fail.
see more pwn and owned pictures
No, not utter fail the class, fail in a more controlled way. Often the best learning comes from trying something, messing it up, and then being able correct your approach. Brian wants to find a way to provide that--problems that are tough enough students will fail, but clear and simple enough that he can help them learn through it rather than just crash and burn.
This rings true to me in a lot of different areas beyond school. Software comes up, because there is no single "right" way to develop a given application (and a bajillion wrong ways). Any time I've returned to something I wrote as short as a year before, I see pitfalls and mistakes. While maintaining some other yahoo's code is painful, it doesn't the ouch factor that looking back over your own code can bring. But the only way to get things done is to try hard, apply the best technologies and practices we have, see where they fail, and correct.
It works with writing too. The biggest lessons that I've learned--many of them through my wonderful critique group--have come from committing time and effort to material that just doesn't work. It's only once things are written down, with someone else pouring over it, that the faults come clear.
Failure is a double-edged sword, though, because it hurts to get things wrong. As much as I know that it's the only way to grow, that doesn't remove the sucky feelings when you're in the midst of it. Having to throw out half a novel and rewrite may bring some valuable lessons, but it is not an enjoyable experience.
But you can't let that stop you. Lots of doubts plague me as I'm drafting my new book, concerns where things don't measure up to my imagination, where I'm falling into old patterns, where I might need to make major changes later. But I can only do the best that's in me now, fail on some parts, pick myself up, and try again.
Brian teaches math and science, and he's really keen to find the best ways to help kids learn. I respect how much he thinks about the subject, and it's always enlightening to hear what new insight or method he's come up with for getting things to stick in kids' minds.
This time he mentioned an idea that sounded both strange and spot on. He wants to help his kids fail.
see more pwn and owned pictures
No, not utter fail the class, fail in a more controlled way. Often the best learning comes from trying something, messing it up, and then being able correct your approach. Brian wants to find a way to provide that--problems that are tough enough students will fail, but clear and simple enough that he can help them learn through it rather than just crash and burn.
This rings true to me in a lot of different areas beyond school. Software comes up, because there is no single "right" way to develop a given application (and a bajillion wrong ways). Any time I've returned to something I wrote as short as a year before, I see pitfalls and mistakes. While maintaining some other yahoo's code is painful, it doesn't the ouch factor that looking back over your own code can bring. But the only way to get things done is to try hard, apply the best technologies and practices we have, see where they fail, and correct.
It works with writing too. The biggest lessons that I've learned--many of them through my wonderful critique group--have come from committing time and effort to material that just doesn't work. It's only once things are written down, with someone else pouring over it, that the faults come clear.
Failure is a double-edged sword, though, because it hurts to get things wrong. As much as I know that it's the only way to grow, that doesn't remove the sucky feelings when you're in the midst of it. Having to throw out half a novel and rewrite may bring some valuable lessons, but it is not an enjoyable experience.
But you can't let that stop you. Lots of doubts plague me as I'm drafting my new book, concerns where things don't measure up to my imagination, where I'm falling into old patterns, where I might need to make major changes later. But I can only do the best that's in me now, fail on some parts, pick myself up, and try again.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Vacation preview...
Here are a few recent shots from my in-laws yard in Montana.
Yes, that's a bear. In their yard. Where I'm going with my wife and 3 month old daughter! Guessing we won't be doing a lot of outdoor time this visit.
Update: Bear was kindly relocated before we arrived. Mosquittos, however, have proven to be the true outdoor threat. Who'd have thunk it!
Yes, that's a bear. In their yard. Where I'm going with my wife and 3 month old daughter! Guessing we won't be doing a lot of outdoor time this visit.
Update: Bear was kindly relocated before we arrived. Mosquittos, however, have proven to be the true outdoor threat. Who'd have thunk it!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Trunk novels
I ran across a fun blog post the other day about trunk novels--you know, those novel drafts that have been put in a dark place and mostly forgotten.
Like most writers, I have a pile of old stuff stowed away. There are four full novels buried where they will never see the light of day. Three of those four are a trilogy, and that experience convinced me that resurrecting old drafts doesn't work for me--or at the very least is hard.
(Yes, this was back when I thought fantasy only came in muli-packs, so I powered through the whole series before revising. If I didn't write the whole thing, how would I know whether I missed something in the first book..? or so the "reasoning" went.)
When I finally returned to the first book, I found something terrifying--it stunk. In the midst of all that writing, my skills had grown. A massive quality gulf yawned between the books. I tried to fix the poor first book, but it needed more than polish. It needed a complete rewrite.
That left me feeling tired and bored. I was ready to move. The next shiny idea waited out there, unencumbered and free of prior draft baggage. So I stuffed the trilogy in the trunk and moved forward.
Anyway, since dumping those drafts I've never felt an urge to go back. There may be one idea I'll use someday, but that's it. My trunk novels are almost certain to stay tucked away, moldering in the dark somewhere.
Like most writers, I have a pile of old stuff stowed away. There are four full novels buried where they will never see the light of day. Three of those four are a trilogy, and that experience convinced me that resurrecting old drafts doesn't work for me--or at the very least is hard.
(Yes, this was back when I thought fantasy only came in muli-packs, so I powered through the whole series before revising. If I didn't write the whole thing, how would I know whether I missed something in the first book..? or so the "reasoning" went.)
When I finally returned to the first book, I found something terrifying--it stunk. In the midst of all that writing, my skills had grown. A massive quality gulf yawned between the books. I tried to fix the poor first book, but it needed more than polish. It needed a complete rewrite.
That left me feeling tired and bored. I was ready to move. The next shiny idea waited out there, unencumbered and free of prior draft baggage. So I stuffed the trilogy in the trunk and moved forward.
Anyway, since dumping those drafts I've never felt an urge to go back. There may be one idea I'll use someday, but that's it. My trunk novels are almost certain to stay tucked away, moldering in the dark somewhere.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Great new term-- ramble-and-chop
Stumbled across a link to a Jennifer R. Hubbard's blog the other day. Although I've been trimming my subscription lists to keep my blog reading times down, I couldn't resist adding her.
The tipping point was her use of the term ramble-and-chop. It's a great way to describe my primary writing method at the moment. At other times I've been more fastidious about my drafts, but for this book that's changing.
The main reason is that I don't have tons of time to devote (new baby and all), but I also don't want to stagnate and not write for months. The only way to get forward motion is to not fret so much about the quality of the rough draft I'm putting down. I know I can edit, I know I have the guts to drop huge sections and start over if necessary, painful though it is.
Ramble-and-chop... that's the plan. Ramble now, chop later.
The tipping point was her use of the term ramble-and-chop. It's a great way to describe my primary writing method at the moment. At other times I've been more fastidious about my drafts, but for this book that's changing.
The main reason is that I don't have tons of time to devote (new baby and all), but I also don't want to stagnate and not write for months. The only way to get forward motion is to not fret so much about the quality of the rough draft I'm putting down. I know I can edit, I know I have the guts to drop huge sections and start over if necessary, painful though it is.
Ramble-and-chop... that's the plan. Ramble now, chop later.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Just what I needed to hear
Jonathan Carroll, one of my all-time favorite authors, doesn't blog a ton about writing process, but when he calls something out it's always worth reading.
His recent post was exactly what I needed to hear:
Just *write* it.
His recent post was exactly what I needed to hear:
If you believe you have it in you, write whatever it is you want and stop thinking about approaches or limitations or or or... Just *write* it. Clear your mind of hesitation and everything other than the sentence you are trying to write and do it. Then write the next one. The more you think about it, the less well you do it.Writing the new novel, I've been noting an internal paranoia growing. I'm spending more and more time wondering whether it's "working", whether the pacing's right, whether I'm falling into old habits. It's distracting, but now I'm reminded of what I need to do.
Just *write* it.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Back to critiquing
So today my first couple chapters from the new book are going to critique group. It's the first time since last summer that I've had anything substantial up on the block. To be honest I'm a little nervous.
But my wife gave me a good reminder last night--critique isn't a pat-on-the-back club. It's about strengthening and honing your writing. Sometimes that means enduring the pain of seeing how you missed the mark (again), where your writing was lax, your ideas didn't pan out, and your spelling is atroshus (ha). But it also means that your work will be better, cleaner and stronger which makes it worth the effort.
Anyway, donning my thickest skin. Wish me luck.
PS -- For the record, my critique group is awesome. Never mean-spirited, always thoughtful, but also deeply honest. Just because someone cares about you and your writing doesn't always make it easy to hear what's broken.
But my wife gave me a good reminder last night--critique isn't a pat-on-the-back club. It's about strengthening and honing your writing. Sometimes that means enduring the pain of seeing how you missed the mark (again), where your writing was lax, your ideas didn't pan out, and your spelling is atroshus (ha). But it also means that your work will be better, cleaner and stronger which makes it worth the effort.
Anyway, donning my thickest skin. Wish me luck.
PS -- For the record, my critique group is awesome. Never mean-spirited, always thoughtful, but also deeply honest. Just because someone cares about you and your writing doesn't always make it easy to hear what's broken.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Outages and server moves
Apologies to anyone who missed out on my lack-of-blogging for a bit. My good friend Michael who hosts my site was switching servers, and the wires got crossed on a few things for a bit.
The main site is still down until I make a few changes, but the blog and the brew blog should be back in working order.
Ah, now I can relax and carry on not blogging much :)
Update: Main site should be back up--peeled it back to .Net 1.1 since I don't know if/when we'll get an upgrade. Don't love it, but there you go.
The main site is still down until I make a few changes, but the blog and the brew blog should be back in working order.
Ah, now I can relax and carry on not blogging much :)
Update: Main site should be back up--peeled it back to .Net 1.1 since I don't know if/when we'll get an upgrade. Don't love it, but there you go.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The Art and Science of Organizing Bookshelves
With our recent home improvements, I've gotten a chance to take on one my favorite organizational task--reorganizing my bookshelves. Although I dearly love my books, I only change how they're ordered in a big way when we're moving the shelves so they end up unloaded.
I believe a person's bookshelves tell a lot about them. Are the books jumbled, or carefully placed? Ordered by author or category? Stacked by size or publication date? What authors show up in the prominent locations, and which are relegated to the bottom left corner behind the end table?
Although the programmer in me longs for a complete, perfectly alpha-then-date-sorted library, that doesn't feed the reader in me. My books make a statement about me, so I want to put the right foot forward.
Most of our shelves are about six feet high or taller (just got a Billy bookcase from IKEA with extension... not only is it beautiful, but it almost goes to the ceiling. Loving that extra space!) That means that the top two shelves are close to eye-height for most people--prime real-estate!
First thing that goes on those prime shelves is my current to-read pile. This is more of a mixed bag than how the rest of the sorting goes, but it lets me know at a glance what's up next.
Next--place the favorite author in plain view. For this go-around, it meant Gaiman, McKillip, Martin, Vonnegut, Richard K. Morgan, Wolfe and my graphic novels (Sandman, Cerebus, Watchmen, various other standbys). This is a carefully chosen list that changes over time. They're the books that if someone said, "What should I read?" I'd reach straight for without hesitation. They're the books I want other readers to see when they examine my shelves--and any reader knows, your eyes go to the shelves when you enter a room.
After that, there are two criteria--cool looking books and categories. I'll generally block off areas for rough groups like sci-fi, fantasy, historical, mystery, non-fiction, etc. And we all know some books are just more attractive than others, so those get a promotion.
Normally there're some left-overs that don't quite fit the categories or the allocated space. These get relegated to the bottom with the magazines, cookbooks and other media.
So that's my process. How do you organize your books? What's at the top of your shelf at the moment?
I believe a person's bookshelves tell a lot about them. Are the books jumbled, or carefully placed? Ordered by author or category? Stacked by size or publication date? What authors show up in the prominent locations, and which are relegated to the bottom left corner behind the end table?
Although the programmer in me longs for a complete, perfectly alpha-then-date-sorted library, that doesn't feed the reader in me. My books make a statement about me, so I want to put the right foot forward.
Most of our shelves are about six feet high or taller (just got a Billy bookcase from IKEA with extension... not only is it beautiful, but it almost goes to the ceiling. Loving that extra space!) That means that the top two shelves are close to eye-height for most people--prime real-estate!
First thing that goes on those prime shelves is my current to-read pile. This is more of a mixed bag than how the rest of the sorting goes, but it lets me know at a glance what's up next.
Next--place the favorite author in plain view. For this go-around, it meant Gaiman, McKillip, Martin, Vonnegut, Richard K. Morgan, Wolfe and my graphic novels (Sandman, Cerebus, Watchmen, various other standbys). This is a carefully chosen list that changes over time. They're the books that if someone said, "What should I read?" I'd reach straight for without hesitation. They're the books I want other readers to see when they examine my shelves--and any reader knows, your eyes go to the shelves when you enter a room.
After that, there are two criteria--cool looking books and categories. I'll generally block off areas for rough groups like sci-fi, fantasy, historical, mystery, non-fiction, etc. And we all know some books are just more attractive than others, so those get a promotion.
Normally there're some left-overs that don't quite fit the categories or the allocated space. These get relegated to the bottom with the magazines, cookbooks and other media.
So that's my process. How do you organize your books? What's at the top of your shelf at the moment?
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Baby posting
As you may have guessed, life has gotten a little busier around the Clark household. However, not all is doom and gloom for something approaching normal life--I have gotten a bit of writing in here and there, and I'm posting over on the family blog these days since I've got more to write about there than anything fiction/software related.
Anyway, all that to say that if you want to keep up on what's happening with me, the family blog's place to go. There might be new pictures of Coraline up... shouldn't you be over there basking in the cuteness?
Anyway, all that to say that if you want to keep up on what's happening with me, the family blog's place to go. There might be new pictures of Coraline up... shouldn't you be over there basking in the cuteness?
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